Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We need to get me chipped asap
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
