just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
why do cheetos always look like penises
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You are a genius and a whore.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
