Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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