I hope mine doesn't look like that
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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