idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's rum buckets o'clock
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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