u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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