Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
