I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
