so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
