I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My ATM looks so different sober.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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