Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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