Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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