Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
