y did u give ur computer a hand job?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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