my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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