I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
