you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
