I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
