I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
