Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
