Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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