Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
