I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
