i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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