the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
