evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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