weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
