When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
