when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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