okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
then he tried to convert me to islam
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
