I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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