I CAN MOONWALK!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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