I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
