She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I need a beard to bite.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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