He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
