Kareoke will never be a sober sport
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
