Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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