yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
