nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
