I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
