I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
