No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
