I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sext me about skeletons
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
