Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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