my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
