I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
