I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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