Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
