Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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