The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
