is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
