Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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