i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
