He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
