I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
