She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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