i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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