seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
