Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
