I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
